Meteor Shower
by Storm that Twists in Spiral
Summary: "Walking beside her was the closest thing to walking on the edge Mousewhisker had ever felt. She left that evening filled with the fire he had always seen in her – her eyes lit like twin moons rimmed in emerald, every muscle tensed, every stitch of her pelt on alert." A sort-of companion to No Escape, about Mousewhisker falling for Hollyleaf and Hollyleaf's downfall.


**Hi, everyone. The other day, I woke up to a review in my inbox from Willowberry, who asked for a story about how Mousewhisker fell in love with Hollyleaf and just general MouseXHolly goodness. While I really don't think I have enough in me to plan and execute another multi-chapter fic any time soon, I was really touched by how earnest that review was, so I decided I would expand No Escape and make something of Mousewhisker's adorable feelings for Hollyleaf.**

**Thus, Meteor Shower was born. It's romantic, it's sad, and it's a lot more about Mousewhisker than Mousewhisker and Hollyleaf. I regained my love for Poppyfrost and reminded myself of why Berrynose is kind of the worst (but I actually really like him, so shhh). There is dramatic irony everywhere. Mousewhisker just likes comparing the sky to Hollyleaf, ok?**

**I really hope you enjoy this!**

* * *

Meteor Shower

Hollyleaf was darker than the night and brighter than the sun. It was this, if nothing else, that Mousewhisker remembered about her. Her laugh was crisp and clear as the first morning of new-leaf, but when she turned those green eyes on him and glared, she was the coldest night of leaf-bare. Walking beside her was the closest thing to walking on the edge Mousewhisker had ever felt. She left that evening filled with the fire he had always seen in her – her eyes lit like twin moons rimmed in emerald, every muscle tensed, every stitch of her pelt on alert.

"Are you excited for the Gathering?" he asked her then. Hollyleaf turned to him and did not smile. He could still see her, but she looked right through him.

"It's cold tonight," she said. "But I'm ready to talk to the other Clans."

Mousewhisker regretted that he let her walk with Cinderheart the rest of the way.

X

Mousepaw considered himself to be very cool. He was a big and brave apprentice, a model for Icekit and Foxkit and the others to look up to. Maybe Berrypaw was a better fighter and maybe Hazelpaw was a better hunter, but he was the one with spirit. Maybe Honeypaw was kinder and Cinderpaw was more cheerful and Poppypaw was more thoughtful, but he was braver than any of the she-cats. Mousepaw was going to be a great warrior, and all the kits would look up to him as their role model. How could they not? He was brave and spirited and fun.

The day he returned from a hunting expedition and found out that Jaykit had fallen into the hollow, he didn't know what to do. In some ways, he suppose he felt responsible. Wasn't he supposed to be a role model? At Berrypaw's suggestion, he crept closer to watch Hollykit and Lionkit in the center of the camp, staring at their paws, not speaking. Mousepaw took a stance nearby and watched them. That's what everyone else was doing. Hazelpaw invited him to eat with her and Berrypaw, so he did. But he watched the two kits in the center of the hollow – Lionkit shuffling his paws and Hollykit so still she could have been a statue he had imagined.

At some point, Hollykit must have felt the pressure of his gaze, so she turned her head and met his eyes across the hollow. He tried to look like he was sympathetic, but he suspected he looked closer to being caught in an act of trouble. Hollykit almost wavered for a second, but she didn't. Her whiskers twitched, and he managed to blink a few times to convey his pity. After all, he would never want to be in her situation – responsible for the injury of a littermate. Especially someone as helpless as Jaykit.

"What were they thinking?" said Berrypaw under his breath. "It's stupid, leaving camp."

"You would have done the same thing," said Hazelpaw. She blinked. "In fact, you probably did at some point, didn't you?"

"He didn't make it outside," said Mousepaw, smirking.

"Shut up, Mousepaw," said Berrypaw. "Even if I would have, I would have been fine. But I would never have taken my _blind_ little brother."

Mousepaw glanced back over at Hollykit and Lionkit, who were now identically studying the ground before them as Brambleclaw and Firestar approached. Lionkit flinched as Firestar came to a stop a tail-length from them. Hollykit didn't budge.

He could almost imagine her out in the undergrowth, one step behind Lionkit and right next to Jaykit, pressing her pelt to her brother's. She would never have let Jaykit feel unprotected, but he watched as she opened her mouth to speak. She said something he couldn't hear, a voiceless proclamation that almost seemed like she was recounting a fundamental truth. There was something in her form – maybe the stiffness of her fear, maybe the tilt of her head or the way sun brushed her fur and made her look as sleek as a trained warrior. Mousepaw couldn't explain it, but he felt his own pelt heat up.

"Hey, mouse-brain, don't stare at them," said Hazelpaw, nudging his shoulder. "You'll only make it more humiliating."

"Sorry," said Mousepaw, though he found it difficult to avert his eyes anyways. He stared at his own paws. What would he be like in that situation? Would he be protecting Hazelpaw or Berrypaw, if they were the blind and helpless one?

By the time the trio became apprentices, and when Mousepaw saw Hollypaw run over to Leafpool in sheer excitement, he had stopped taking himself more seriously. It was sort of her fault, too – she had taken the title of most spirited and was easily the bravest apprentice. He didn't grudge her for it very much – largely, he blamed himself for being so unbelievably dull. It wasn't her fault she was so courageous, yet still so gentle and nurturing. Still, she was the first reason he ever doubted himself.

X

And as the insecurities deepened – when he tried to impress her and climb the Sky Oak, only to get Cinderpaw injured – she stood there, unconquerable. No matter how much fresh-kill he caught, he couldn't catch up to her. Not when she stood high and mighty on a pedestal, like the leader of a Clan of his imagination.

He didn't even realize how much he admired her, not then. He went after other she-cats: Minnowtail, that pretty RiverClan apprentice was his first crush. For a period of time after that, it was Cinderpaw he couldn't stop running after.

Then it was Honeypaw. Because who couldn't love Honeypaw, the beautiful and sweet apprentice that always owned up to her failures, that always told everyone that she wasn't perfect, even though to new warrior Mousewhisker, she absolutely was. Whenever he had time off, he would go hunting with her and one of her sisters, usually Poppypaw. For some reason, Honeypaw had been attainable, had been the cat he could spend the most time with. She laughed at all his terrible jokes, even when Cinderpaw just made fun of him. As soon as she caught something, she would bound up to him and proclaim the good news – that she was getting better day by day.

"You're going to be an amazing warrior," said Mousewhisker one day, watching her tail wave in her pride. "You're already better than me."

"That's not true!" said Honeypaw, batting one of his ears with her paw. "You're a great warrior, Mousewhisker! ThunderClan is lucky to have you!"

"You're just too nice," said Mousewhisker. Honeypaw tilted her head to the side.

"You're just too modest," she said. She smiled, purring. "I'm going to find Berrynose. See you later, Mousewhisker! Maybe we can go hunting later!"

"Sounds good to me," said Mousewhisker. He wondered later why he had missed such an evident sign.

Less than a moon after deciding that he would one day take Honeypaw as his mate, he made the mistake of telling Berrynose. The two brothers were out hunting alone that day – Hazeltail was worried that Berrynose was distancing himself from everyone his own age and wanted Mousewhisker to find out why. As they moved through the forest in a stranger's silence, Mousewhisker suddenly swallowed his misgivings and decided that breaking the ice would be best done with his own vulnerability.

"Hey, Berrynose," he said, as Berrynose finished burying a mouse to get later. "You think Honeypaw and the others will become warriors soon?"

"Would Firestar do that?" said Berrynose, flicking his ears. "With Cinderpaw's leg like it is?"

"It's not fair to make Honeypaw and Poppypaw wait," said Mousewhisker. "They're already amazing." He smiled to himself. "I can't wait until they are warriors."

"Why is that?" Berrynose smirked. "You sound insistent."

"Well," said Mousewhisker, trying to hold himself high. "I want to ask Honeypaw to be my mate."

"What?" Berrynose's eyes went wide. "Honeypaw?"

Mousewhisker didn't know what could have been so strange about that. He wanted to explain their relationship – all the flirting over hunting trips, all the times they had proven that they were such close friends. Honeypaw was one of his best friends, and he was in love with her, and she would surely feel the same way, right?

He and Berrynose didn't talk for a while longer, and at first, Mousewhisker passed that off for hunting. Then Berrynose startled a thrush and lost the catch, coming up shaking his head.

"What's the matter?" said Mousewhisker.

"It's silly," said Berrynose.

"No, really," said Mousewhisker. He stared at his silent brother for a while. "I feel like I haven't really talked to you in forever. That's why I told you about Honeypaw."

"Honeypaw is mine," blurted Berrynose.

The declaration of those simple words felt as if some cat had buried their teeth into the back of his throat and shook him around. Maybe thrown him into a tree. As it was, he just sat there and stared, open-mouthed, at Berrynose. The cream-colored tom turned away, his frown deepening.

"I mean, she likes me," said Berrynose. "She's been padding after me for moons. A blind kit could see it – that's not an exaggeration, actually. Jaypaw made a snide comment the other day."

"Jaypaw makes snide comments all the time," said Mousewhisker. "How do you know that means anything?"

"Because everyone can see it!" said Berrynose. "You might be her friend, but _I'm_ the one Honeypaw wants as a mate."

Mousewhisker stood there and tried to say something. Berrynose pulled up some grass with his claws.

"You'd be a horrible mate to Honeypaw," said Mousewhisker. Berrynose glared at him, amber eyes just like the claws Mousewhisker felt in his chest. "You never pay any attention to her or anyone else! You think you're so cool, acting like you're a senior warrior. You're not. You're arrogant, and Honeypaw deserves someone better than you."

"I didn't think anyone would be stupid enough to even look at her," said Berrynose. He turned his nose in the air. "Everyone knows that Honeypaw is mine."

Mousewhisker and Honeypaw fought over Berrynose after that encounter. By the end of her life, she had taken her choice of sibling. Mousewhisker settled back into the landscape of ThunderClan and forced himself to be satisfied losing his brother and his best friend to each other.

X

Shortly after Berrynose decided to reciprocate Honeyfern's feelings, he was reminded of Hollypaw's incredible spirit, if only for a moment. Some tired night, while Hollypaw was sitting in the camp alone, Mousewhisker had rested beside her, no more than a shadow behind her. Berrynose and Honeyfern walked into camp glowing as they usually did, appearing as the golden couple. Mousewhisker probably admitted to this out loud, for the next thing he knew, Hollypaw made a startled noise.

"I thought you liked Poppyfrost," she said. Mousewhisker lifted his head off his paws. Hollypaw's green eyes shone like the stars that would lead him home.

"Poppyfrost?" he said softly. Of course he liked Poppyfrost – she was his friend, too. When he and Honeyfern fought, Poppyfrost had stood by him. But Mousewhisker didn't know how to love anyone else but Honeyfern, really.

"Well, she's been mooning over you for a while," said Hollypaw in her matter-of-fact way. "You really haven't noticed?"

Mousewhisker wondered how many times he would be called oblivious.

He had no idea how to move slowly, so he charged into a relationship with Poppyfrost, needing to feel something, needing to love something that would make him start loving himself again. She became beautiful and sweet and funny – she had always been those things, but now she became _his_, and there was something new and liberating about that. The night after his talk with Hollypaw, Mousewhisker took Poppyfrost out for one of their solo hunting trips, which had become routine, even though neither of them had realized that before.

"Hey," said Mouswhisker as they turned to collect their fresh-kill. "I heard, um, that you thought that this was more than just a friendship."

"Between you and me?" said Poppyfrost. She blinked, tilted her head to the side, and thought about it. In her honesty, she nodded. "I kind of thought so. Was that not what you wanted?"

"No – well, I…I suppose, if you want, this could be, um…that sort of thing."

"Yes," said Poppyfrost. "I'd be okay with that. If you want."

"Okay," said Mousewhisker. "Yes."

Their relationship could be summed up in two conversations. That was one of them. The other one came later, much, much later, after Mousewhisker really understood where he stood in the world.

X

To understand where he stood in the world, Mousewhisker needed a conversation with a cat that, to him, sort of walked above the world. The morning after their vigil, Mousewhisker had gone to tell Hollyleaf, Cinderheart, and Lionblaze that they were done. He wanted to congratulate them.

Hollyleaf yawned and stretched, remaining in the clearing even as Cinderheart and Lionblaze walked side-by-side to the warriors den.

"Aren't you going to sleep?" said Mousewhisker. Hollyleaf nodded.

"I want to see the Clan wake up," she said, her voice soft from not speaking for a while. "Then I'll know that my job was accomplished."

"The Clan wakes up the same way every morning," teased Mousewhisker.

"You're right," said Hollyleaf thoughtfully. "I guess you can say that's how I know my place in it."

"By watching everyone else?" said Mousewhisker. Hollyleaf nodded. She should have been tired beyond belief – he remembered his vigil taking all his energy – but here she sat in the center of camp, her entire body alert. Mousewhisker decided there was no way she could have been a real cat. She was way too important, to special for that.

"Can I sit with you?" said Mousewhisker. "I want to see, too."

"You don't have to ask my permission," said Hollyleaf, her whiskers twitching. She said it, but Mousewhisker still felt like he was sitting on land that she owned. He looked out, watching ThunderClan awake, and resting in silence beside this brand-new warrior who had more of an eye for belonging than he could imagine. She saw how it all worked, how the pieces fell together. Mousewhisker wanted to ask her so many questions but wasn't sure how to get the words around his tongue.

"There goes the dawn patrol," said Hollyleaf, breaking their silence. Mousewhisker squinted to see Sorreltail and Birchfall waiting as Whitewing woke Icepaw. He smiled, seeing the apprentice bound out of camp. "Icepaw is probably the most energetic apprentice ever."

"Birchfall's not a morning cat," said Mousewhisker, nodding at the way Birchfall slunk out of camp after his patrol.

"Neither is Sorreltail, but she won't let it show," said Hollyleaf. "The way I see it, she really wants to hold herself higher than that. She's just really quiet."

Mousewhisker nodded. It made _sense_ to see his Clan-mates in this way. Just their actions in the morning revealed everything about them. Maybe that was because he knew what to look for, knew what he liked about them anyways. Hollyleaf and Mousewhisker talked like this for a while, pointing out little characteristics of his Clan-mates that he had known were there, but not in such a profound way.

"And there goes the golden couple," said Hollyleaf, nodding to Berrynose and Honeyfern making their way out of camp.

"Why are they the golden couple?" said Mousewhisker, trying not to add edge to his voice. Hollyleaf smirked.

"To be honest, it'd be a lie to say everyone didn't have a crush on either Berrynose or Honeyfern at some point in time." She smiled at him. "I'm sure you know that better than anyone."

Then Poppyfrost emerged from the warrior's den, smiling in the earliest rays of the morning light.

"What are your opinions on Poppyfrost, oh wise one?" said Mousewhisker. Hollyleaf was quiet for a few seconds as Poppyfrost oriented herself and then smiled at Mousewhisker before dancing over to another corner of camp, where Hazeltail, Thornclaw, and Spiderleg were lounging.

"I don't have any," said Hollyleaf. She glanced up as the sun fully washed into the hollow. "I'm going to nap now."

She had vanished before Mousewhisker had time to figure out what "I don't have any" meant.

X

It wasn't long after that morning before Mousewhisker had come to a conclusion he didn't think he liked: that he still had feelings for Honeyfern deep down, that Poppyfrost had once loved Berrynose – and maybe still did. He didn't quite know how to put together the way Poppyfrost seemed overly invested in their relationship. One day, Mousewhisker and Poppyfrost were having a meal together when Honeyfern walked over.

"You two haven't seen Berrynose, have you?" It was a strange question to ask them – she knew very well that Berrynose and Mousewhisker still weren't close.

"He went out earlier," said Poppyfrost just as Mousewhisker opened his mouth to answer. "Brambleclaw asked him to help Whitewing and Squirrelflight with the apprentices this morning."

"Thanks," said Honeyfern. "I know I can always count on you." She licked the top of her sister's head before prancing away, confident and lively as ever. Mousewhisker just sat there.

"You noticed that?" he said. Poppyfrost nodded lightly.

"I'm pretty good at keeping track of cats," she said. Mousewhisker almost let it slide, but his troubling conclusions alerted him to something deeper – _why is she keeping track of Berrynose?_

"Hey, can we go for a walk?" said Mousewhisker, not sure where he wanted to go or what he wanted to say. His feelings and his thoughts were stirring together. The only real truth he knew was that he needed to have a serious conversation with Poppyfrost.

"Sure," said Poppyfrost. They walked into the forest and kept walking, making small talk until Mousewhisker's heart had stopped beating so quickly, until he could finally make sense of what was on his mind. Maybe all of this was just a lasting insecurity he had never been able to shake, or maybe it was a truth he had been avoiding for too long. Still, it was hard to find the phrasing for his confusion.

"This may sound like a weird question, but did you ever have a crush on Berrynose?" The words came out in a stutter, and Poppyfrost turned to him, confused.

"Are you jealous or something?" she said.

"Um…can you just answer the question?"

"I mean, yeah," said Poppyfrost, not meeting his eyes. "Everyone did."

"I don't want to sound overprotective but, um…do you still maybe…?"

"Mousewhisker?" said Poppyfrost. "Berrynose is with Honeyfern, and I'm with you." She was right, but the way she was right bothered Mousewhisker.

"Are you content with that?" said Mousewhisker. "If…if Honeyfern didn't exist, would you rather be with…?"

"That doesn't matter," said Poppyfrost. "I don't want my sister to not exist."

"That's not what I mean," said Mousewhisker. He glanced away. "I want Honeyfern to exist, too."

"Are you saying you're still in love with Honeyfern?" Poppyfrost sighed. "I see where you're going with this."

"You do?" Mousewhisker wasn't sure where he was going with this. Poppyfrost nodded and held her head high.

"If we're just settling for each other, why bother, right?" she said. "Maybe it's not fair for us to keep doing this if we aren't really in love with each other."

"…yeah." This was what he had always admired about Poppyfrost. She could be annoying and shallow sometimes, but she was usually honest when she needed to be. Brutally so, sometimes. She knew what she felt, even if she denied it to herself.

"So?" said Poppyfrost. "You would rather be with Honeyfern?"

"And you would rather be with Berrynose. In an ideal world."

Poppyfrost frowned.

"I like you a lot, Mousewhisker," she said.

"I like you, too."

"Can we stay friends?"

"I think that would be nice," said Mousewhisker. "It won't be…awkward?"

"It's not like we're fighting," said Poppyfrost. She tilted her head to the side. "I think I've wanted to have this conversation for a while. I've just denied it to myself, because I kept holding onto the fact that I do like you. You would make a good mate."

"We make a good team," said Mousewhisker. Poppyfrost laughed.

"We do," she agreed. "But you're right. It's not fair for either one of us if we both secretly want to be with other cats."

"I'm sorry, Poppyfrost."

"It's not your fault," said Poppyfrost. She shuffled her paws. "I've always been the second choice cat anyways."

"What?" said Mousewhisker. "No way." But even as he said it, he remembered Hollyleaf watching Poppyfrost and having nothing to say. He remembered how she was _his_ second choice. Then it occurred to him: he was the second choice cat, too.

"You're sweet," said Poppyfrost. "I like to think that if I had given up on Berrynose, I could have loved you."

She took it all so well and with her head high, and Mousewhisker admired that infinitely more than he had thought. But he didn't fall in love with her. If that didn't tell him anything else, it was that he never would fall in love with her.

"Do you want to go hunting?" said Poppyfrost.

"Huh?"

"We're still friends, right? Let's go hunting."

Their relationship could be summed up in two conversations. That was the second and final one of them.

X

"Good morning, everyone!" said Poppyfrost. Mousewhisker smiled up at her. He, Hazeltail, and Hollyleaf were talking in camp when she came over. "Brambleclaw wants me to take someone else with our patrol. Any of you want to come?"

"I will," said Hazeltail. "I haven't been out of camp yet today."

"Thanks," said Poppyfrost. "See you both later!"

"Bye, Poppyfrost," said Mousewhisker. Hazeltail purred her farewell, and then the two she-cats pranced across camp.

"I hate to be this kind of cat," said Hollyleaf. "But are you two…?"

"We're not going to be mates, if that's what you're asking," said Mousewhisker. He turned to Hollyleaf. For the first time in a while, he felt sort of happy. A little conflicted still on being the "second choice cat" among his littermates, sure, but he was happy.

"What happened?" said Hollyleaf. "If you don't mind my asking. You seemed to be…happy."

"We were," said Mousewhisker. "We just weren't really in love with each other."

"Oh," said Hollyleaf. "Even so?"

"It wouldn't be fair," said Mousewhisker. "We kind of just tried to make it work because we were like the left over littermate, so it…it made sense."

"Left over littermate," said Hollyleaf thoughtfully. "I feel like that."

"What?" Mousewhisker shot to attention. "You? There's no way."

"Well, Jayfeather is this amazing medicine cat," said Hollyleaf. "I tried to be that, but I just wasn't able to do it. And Lionblaze is a much better warrior than I could be. He's better than any cat. So what am I?" She stretched. "I'm…not like them."

"How could you say that?" said Mousewhisker. "You're…" He couldn't find words, either. There weren't enough to express how brilliant she was. Hollyleaf must have walked among the stars from the second she was born. She encompassed all cats and then surpassed them. She had enough wisdom for seven elders, enough kindness for ten medicine cats, enough strength for an entire Clan of warriors.

Mousewhisker closed his mouth very abruptly and realized that in all his time berating himself for being oblivious about Berrynose and Honeyfern, about Poppyfrost, about Poppyfrost again, about Honeyfern again, he had blinded himself once again. He wasn't in love with Honeyfern at all, and he hadn't fallen in love with Poppyfrost, either.

Someone called Hollyleaf's name across the clearing, and she stood up, stretching.

"It's okay," she said. "You don't need to say anything."

She flounced off in perfect form, leaving Mousewhisker with a heart full of words he so desperately wanted to say.

X

He never fooled himself into believing that Hollyleaf could reciprocate his feelings like he had with Honeyfern or Poppyfrost. Even Honeyfern was more in reach than Hollyleaf was. Yes, maybe Honeyfern was perfect, the epitome of what a ThunderClan cat should have been. But Hollyleaf…

She was often alone, or with her brothers. Whenever she did descend to their level, she was courteous and orderly. Mousewhisker asked Hazeltail and Poppyfrost what they thought of her a few times, just in passing, and they never had any comments that gave him any insight. It was always _she's an amazing hunter_ or _I wish I knew her better _or _I'm glad she's on our side in the battle._ He considered asking Cinderheart, whom he knew Hollyleaf liked, but that almost seemed too weird. So, for the most part, he contented himself with aiming to get closer to her while admiring her from afar.

See, Hollyleaf was still a mystery. All along, she had fooled everyone into believing that she was one of them, but Mousewhisker saw through it. Hollyleaf was the order in a world of chaos: in every sharp comment, in every new catch, she proved that she knew how life was _supposed _to be. She was always perfectly composed, and while he knew that she had her doubts, she never let them show.

He took pleasure in the little things – when she said his name, when he could make her laugh. Sometimes, he tricked himself into thinking that the way she held his gaze or the way she teased him actually meant something. He was quick to correct himself, of course – he was a friend to everyone, and nothing more than a friend to everyone. That Hollyleaf would ever come to look at him as more than a friend was just a fantasy. He knew that. Still, making her smile made him smile. He could believe for even just those moments that he could reach StarClan, because her happiness was as beautiful as all of Silverpelt.

X

Then the fire happened. Mousewhisker heard along with everyone else that Hollyleaf and her brothers had almost got caught in camp, but that they had managed to escape. He planned to watch her recover from afar, to not look too concerned. She didn't need another worrier in her life.

But, of course, nothing Mousewhisker planned ever happened, and he rushed to her as the flames died down.

"Are you alright?" he said. Hollyleaf just stared at him, confused. It was like she was gazing right through him at something else, at something way more important than he had ever been.

"I…Mousewhisker?" At last, she focused on him and only him. Mousewhisker nodded, hoping she would say more. Hollyleaf opened her mouth to speak again. "I'm fine."

"That's good," said Mousewhisker. "What happened?"

"I'm fine," repeated Hollyleaf, turning away. "I'm fine."

"Hollyleaf?" Her words sounded like a mantra, and it chilled Mousewhisker's heart. Tentatively, he stepped closer to her.

"I'm fine, I said," said Hollyleaf.

"You're not, are you?" said Mousewhisker. Hollyleaf took a deep breath and stared at her paws. Mousewhisker stood beside her, trying to see into her face. Her eyes were wild, seeming to echo the lightning as she blinked repeatedly as if trying to clear something from her memory or trying to make sense of it all.

"I have to be fine," she said. "I will be fine."

"You can tell me," said Mousewhisker without realizing what he was saying. The smoke must have gotten to him. He was seeing her as another cat, a cat he cared about deeply, but a cat that he could trust nonetheless.

"I can't," said Hollyleaf. She shook her head and gritted her teeth. Mousewhisker took a step back as he began to see tears form in her eyes.

"Okay…"

"I'm ordinary." The words slipped from her lips, and Hollyleaf choked on a sob that never quite made it out. "I don't want to be ordinary."

He didn't know what he was hearing. It was possible that Hollyleaf didn't know he was even here, because he was invisible anyways.

"You're not ordinary," he said. Hollyleaf glanced up at him, and she needed him. Mousewhisker tried to choose his words careful. Nobody had ever needed him like this before. "You're…you're what would happen if the sun and the moon collided and lit up the sky with all this color. Us cats down here, we would watch in amazement and not know what's going on, only that it was brilliant. Um…that's you. The brilliant one."

"What if it wasn't true?" said Hollyleaf. "What would I be?"

"I don't understand…" said Mousewhisker. She seemed to be talking nonsense at this point. Hollyleaf shook her head, and everything he thought he had seen in her vanished. She closed off again; she had become the cordial she-cat again.

"Of course not," she said. "Thanks for worrying about me, Mousewhisker. You're really sweet."

In the moons to follow, he would watch her unravel, and he wouldn't know what to do about it.

X

After Honeyfern died, he made up with Berrynose, but he never did tell Berrynose about Hollyleaf. Something deep inside Mousewhisker told him that he couldn't say anything to Berrynose. Hollyleaf was unattainable as it was, but if he told Berrynose, well...he wouldn't let Berrynose have Hollyleaf along with everything else.

He didn't tell Hazeltail, either. He loved his sister, but she had never cared about mates and romance and that sort of thing. She and Hollyleaf went together on the quest to the sun-drown place, and while they were gone, Mousewhisker used to daydream that they would talk about him. He knew how impractical of a fantasy that was, but it was nice to think about. It was better than the reality he had been seeing since the fire – that something was deeply wrong with Hollyleaf, and she wasn't saying what it was.

He considered telling Poppyfrost, because she would listen, but then she grew closer to Berrynose again. Mousewhisker saw her battle between her affections and guilt. Knowing it would be unfair for him to burden her with something else, Mousewhisker stayed on the silence and watched her slip into Berrynose's life like she had always been the first choice cat.

Hollyleaf came back from the sun-drown place and had to handle all of the drama of Ashfur's murder. She seemed far more involved than she wanted to be, and he struggled to find a way to reach out to her. In the end, he just let her fall apart, because all he was to her, as far as she knew, was an admirer and a den-mate. How could he approach her and confront her about it when they didn't talk anyways? Every time he did manage to get her in conversation, she was guarded and secretive. There used to be openings in her armor that he could slip a joke into, but now all her smiles were fake. Mousewhisker didn't know how to ask her more questions that would make her trust him, so he just…watched.

One night while on guard duty, Mousewhisker looked up to see the stars racing each other across the sky. They darted in pairs across the face of Silverpelt and out of sight. In a way, it looked like they were falling over the trees and across the edge of the world in one last blaze of flame. He didn't know how that was possible, but he believed in the beauty of the collapse. Hollyleaf's downfall was like the stars dying on fire.

X

Hollyleaf was darker than the night and brighter than the sun. It was this, if nothing else, that Mousewhisker remembered about her. Her laugh was crisp and clear as the first morning of new-leaf, but when she turned those green eyes on him and glared, she was the coldest night of leaf-bare. Walking beside her was the closest thing to walking on the edge Mousewhisker had ever felt. She left that evening filled with the fire he had always seen in her – her eyes lit like twin moons rimmed in emerald, every muscle tensed, every stitch of her pelt on alert.

"Are you excited for the Gathering?" he asked her then. Hollyleaf turned to him and did not smile. He could still see her, but she looked right through him.

"It's cold tonight," she said. "But I'm ready to talk to the other Clans."

Mousewhisker regretted that he let her walk with Cinderheart the rest of the way.

X

Jayfeather and Lionblaze walked into camp, their heads bowed. The news of the Gathering had spread like wildfire, and when they entered, Mousewhisker had hoped to see Hollyleaf behind them. He wanted to look into her eyes and ask her why, and he was determined to tell her that no matter where she came from, he would still love her. For the first time ever, he felt brave enough to confess to her, because she had just given everything up, and she needed him. She needed him.

He wasn't the only cat interested in the brothers, but he was the first one to approach them.

"Where's Hollyleaf?" Mousewhisker said. Lionblaze looked up at him with grieving amber eyes. Mousewhisker felt his breath catch in his throat.

"She was chasing a squirrel into a tunnel," said Lionblaze, his voice a whisper. "It…it…it collapsed."

"What?" The truth felt like he had been tossed into the river to drown, murdered and sent drifting like Ashfur. "Hollyleaf is…?" The look in Lionblaze's eyes confirmed every fear Mousewhisker had ever had.

She was gone, fallen over the horizon in a last blaze of fire, and Mousewhisker had not been enough to catch her.

* * *

**This was basically just a feels-fest the whole way through. For readers of Elemental, it's up to you to decide whether or not this is Elemental-verse or canon. I considered putting it in Compiling, because it could fit very nicely into Elemental-verse, but I think it could be canon as well. I took some creative liberties because Mouse and Holly don't interact that much near the end.**

**If you liked this, please drop me a review, favorite, or follow! Oh, and go read my other stuff :) Thanks, everyone!**

**~Elsi**


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